Nancy Grace
Nancy Grace is a mean prosecutor turned CourtTV talk show host who is not a lesbian, amen. In fact, she has been known to have sex with Rob Corddry who is kind of like a man. Like a man? Yes, close enough. She also can make people commit suicide just by merely interviewing them, Nancy can read the mind of a demon. She is a committed Christian and condemn all you liberals to hell to burn for eternity. Nancy knows you did it. Don't even try to lie to her. Confess! Confess! Nancy Grace's first ever claim to fame is that she was the one who made up the story and pointed fingers which led to the Salem Witch Trials of 1692. In court, she faked a trembling type of orgasm, which she learned to imitate after eavesdropping on and peeping into a couple of married neighbors who lived in a holey log cabin. Superpower Explained Nancy Grace has a deep connection with the Original Sin. It is thought that by communicating with the Original Sin by using her gut, she is able to find out the sins committed by others with great degree of truthiness. This rare power allows her to become a successful prosecutor in the courtroom until the liberal judges banish her for her use of truthiness. Gracehounds Nancy's special kind of vigilanteism has created a cult-like following for the shrinking violet. Housewives across America are abandoning The Oprah viewing habits of their youth in exchange for the many froth-inducing Nancy Grace cable programs. They call themselves, "gracehounds". The devil has found a way to our hearts. It is through Nancy Grace. It would be most satisfying to think that Nancy Grace could be the devil, but she is merely an instrument of the devil, probably the greatest current American spawn. A wolf in sheep's clothing, if you will, only worse. If there was one great invention of the devil to penetrate our hearts and souls, it would be the invention called Nancy Grace. Gracehounds have been advised by Catholic priests to recite the Apostle's Creed, prior to watching Nancy Grace. This is similar to the recitation of the Apostle's Creed prior to the use of the Ouija Board. The purpose of this required exercise is so that no malevolent entity or spirit would linger in the house, nor a portal from hell be left open to haunt unsuspecting humans in the house after the show is over or the television channel has been changed. Views on the "Justice" System Nancy believes America should do away with the costly annoyance of "trials". Often, defendants at these proceedings are actually found not guilty. Well if they aren't really guilty, then why were they on trial! Answer THAT! Huh, smart guy! Miss. Grace believes we should bring the principles of truthiness to the criminal justice system. If someone seems guilty, they probably are! Challenge When not appearing on her show, Ms. Grace tends to rape puppies. John Stewart has an open challenge for all to prove otherwise. It will be intereting to see if she read the new religious satire that heavily lampoons her? Entitled "Sex with THE Virgin Mary" by Charles Webb from thekickasspress.com and sold my Amazon.com. Nancy runs the TV side of a large fraud trial of a man accused of selling worthless rights to living men to go to heaven and 'deflower' the Blessed Mother. Preg-Nancy? Rumors started in August 2007 stating that Nancy somehow became pregnant! Perhaps it was due to one of her puppy rapes. In any case, that puppy would clearly be more manly than Rob Corddry. Puppy, you're doin' a heckuva job! Miss Grace is expecting a litter of at least two. Update: It has come to pass that she has spawned twins. Parenting for Nancy Grace is like a game of Jenga. It is a competition where only one wins and the rest topple like blocks. Not Jackals On November 4, 2007 Miss Grace whelped two younglings. Click here to name Nancy Grace's newborn twins. "FIND CAYLEE!!!" At the same timeframe when the US-backed Isreali forces where conducting airstrikes on Gaza in Jan. 2009 and 1400 civilians died (1/3 were innocent terrorist women and children), Nancy put her priorities where the story was at. She started the 24 hour "Where's Caylee?" channel...a true investigative journalist. If a group of arabic people die, nothing new there...If a little WHITE girl goes missing, SOMEONE BRING IN THE NATIONAL GUARD AND CSI!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! Call-ins From The Public When calling Nancy Grace, it is important that you mention how God loves her to have been blessed with children, after which you must pause to allow Nancy Grace to fawn over your personal concern and self-serving tribute to her proven fertility and a sidetrack type of insinuation that she is not frigid, and is indeed useful to a spouse. At the mention of praise about her twins, watch the television screen as she contorts a plastic smile to show the viewers that she is sincerely touched. Angels of Death have yet to learn honest human reactions. After any initial greeting, or acknowledgement, it is important that one adds the line, "I hope it's not a sin to enjoy your show, because I know that you will personally burn in hell." An Expert in Her Field of Expertise Her consistency in judgment and finality in damning people to her place of origin, maintained from show to show, proves great competency. Only a Angel of Death can endure to pass out rhetoric with joie de vie for as long as a court trial can stretch. Only an expert talk show host can drive guests to suicide. External Tubes *Nancy Grace wins another conviction: ghost of child kidnapper goes to ghost jail